It’s that time of year, you know, the one where people actually embrace and celebrate the passage of time as opposed to, well, fearing it and feeling strangely old, out of shape and, quite possibly, hung over (all that comes on New Year’s Day). People get together, bang pots and pans, watch fireworks, start small kitchen fires, drink champagne, make new friends, reconnect with old friends, leave sloppy text messages and voice mails for misunderstandings and mistakes that took place in the previous 364 days. Oh, and of course, we all watch Zombie Dick Clark hail in the New Year in Times Square with the aid of a giant, Technicolor, electronic globe that descends down like a slow-motion Daft Punk set.
So, for those in the mood to experience the annual festivities vicariously, or perhaps those that need a little televisual inspiration to get their New Year’s Eve on, here is the list of—without hyperbole—the best New Year’s Movies (that don’t involve Tom Hanks, Billy Crystal, Sandra Bullock or Renee Zelwegger) in the history of humanity:
You know you ordered at least one thing from Amazon this year. It’s impossible to avoid that orange smile saying, “You know we have what you need.” It’s like being assimilated into the Borg; it’s only painful at first, then you learn to love the new Amazon loving you.
Unfortunately, your family members might not feel the same way and will need to return their cool Amazon gift for something more useful.
Get ready for Black Friday, round 2. That’s right, the day after Christmas this year is going to be big for shoppers. Most retailers are announcing huge savings on a variety of items. Holiday sales have been down this year and retailers don’t have a lot of time to make up for what’s been lost. And with the economy down, retailers are fighting for what little money we have left.
Believe it or not, there was a time when Hulk Hogan was poised to transition to the big screen in a way only the Rock (Dwayne Johnson) has managed to pull off “successfully”. He had a good run with Mr. Nanny and Suburban Commando, but hit a serious, career-tanking snag that no amount of Hulkamania gesticulation could save:Santa with Muscles, which just so happens to be the #1 So-Bad-It’s-Good Christmas movie.
Every year NORAD tracks Santa Claus on his trip around the world with special satellites. In conjunction with Google Maps you can see exactly where Santa is in real time. Right now, he is in Madagascar and soon he will be moving on to the next location.
Happy Holidays from all of us here at TopTenREVIEWS. Maybe you’re like us and you haven’t yet felt the real spirit of Christmas. We don’t know why. Maybe it was because Thanksgiving was so late in the year. Maybe it’s the recession, who knows? But we’ve decided that it’s time to feel the holiday spirit.
So from one company that has recently become full of the elusive holiday cheer, our gift to you is employees giving Oscar-winning performances in the soon-to-be famous Twelve Tech Days of Christmas song.
If you’re too panicked to think about holiday spirit because you haven’t completed your Christmas shopping yet, we recommend you read these other blog posts:
Perhaps no one in generation Y readily admits to shopping at a department store, but we all know you do, and more importantly we (and you) know your parents and grandparents shop at department stores. Hey, some of them might still get the catalogs.
The family melodrama to family comedy ratio in Christmas films leaves few other options for what Christmas movies can or can’t be. There are plenty of exceptions to this, of course, but few films dare sever the yoke that binds them to the holiday-profitable “family” label without risking being utterly unprofitable.
So, what happens when a comedy comes along and brazenly puts the bird in the cutesy, over-sized eye of “family” while still maintaining its status as a Christmas movie? Well, Bad Santa happens. And, though it is a really, really, really off-color film about an alcoholic, safe-cracking mall Santa Claus and, incidentally a really great comedy, it is also a So-Bad-It’s-Good Christmas movie, and incidentally, #2.
There’s so much that goes into Christmas shopping, odds are you are pretty worn out and ready for a break. Think again. It’s time for the after-Christmas sales. Put that plethora of gift cards and certificates to work! It’s time for some of the best deals of the season. Really, we’re talking about some stores like Ann Taylor Loft knocking prices down as much as 70%. Even Neiman Marcus will be offering discounts in their after Christmas sale. That’s something I can get behind.
Electronic stores are some of my favorite stores; just the smell of lithium battery ions in the air gives me a shopping buzz. However, they usually have some of the strictest return policies in the free world.
Just in case you got two iPod Touches for Christmas this year, here are the holiday return policies for Best Buy and Circuit City.